2/10/11
Recently I asked Charley to come back again, stating that we had much work to do. Truth was…he was just fine. It was me who had much work to do.
What happens when the world and all its chaos invades your space for so many hours, for so many years that you literally begin to think of its intrusion as natural; the white noise that you allow to become the substitute for the real music in your day to day life?
I can tell you…
You forget what real music sounds like. You forget that silence is not just the absence of that music, but the absence of everything that you allow to keep you from hearing your own thoughts. You forget that not everyone shares your passions or your dedicated sense of sacrifice… and perhaps you sometimes listen to the dead, more than the living. You forget that though you are there to solve injustices, you are not also granted the authority to pass judgments and divine punishment for them. You forget that although humanity is capable of such evil- that it is capable of such grace and beauty as well. You forget that while there are those who achieve great things with great efforts, there are those who achieve small things with just as much great dedication and great effort. You forget for whom it is you may be serving.
Is it difficult to remember all these things while you are deeply under deadlines and personal calendars?
Difficult? Oh my…yes.
Ambition; even altruistically motivated can be a run away car that leaves tread marks on all those who are innocently thrown within your path while you chase it. There is a fine line between granting forgiveness and asking for it. One takes compassion and empathy… the other takes courage and humility.
In my pursuits of interest, I am dogged in my approach. Like a pit bull, I dig and drag and poke and prod and then muscle my way around obstacles- all the while with altruistic intent, but sometimes without ennobling results. And I must be reminded some days there must be compassion too- even in such singular pursuits.
Sooooo… in these days of emotional tug of wars and challenging career pursuits I must learn to stop and not only smell the roses, but pick a few and hand them out to people who have graciously allowed me entrance to their world as way of thanks.
Consider this then, not only my writers lament, but an apology and an early Valentine’s Day gift to you all…
That while I spend so much time in my head, I must concede that at the end of my day… there is no one else there but me and I can neither expect others to see what I see, know what I know… nor feel what I feel… unless I tell them.
If I am to nobly serve both living and dead in this quest- I must be mindful that I owe each a debt of gratitude for their willingness to comply in this venture. For any previous lack of recognition, I beg of you forgiveness and bid you each a heartfelt thank you and a promise to try to spend more time in my heart and less in my head- regardless of deadlines or outcomes!
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