Loosing Nemo…

5/20/11

Loosing Nemo…
Occasionally I try to test the waters of my new-found connection with those who guide and mentor from the other side of the veil. I follow the numbers- read the angel code for them, study numerology and keep in constant awareness of who I am, who it is I am meant to become and the divine mission I am being asked to achieve. And while my own father would have called this my “hokey-pokey” nonsense… who was one of the first energies to step forward and come through??? Who’s laughing now, huh dad?

Aside from that… I must tell you that while some may think me crazy… others think me gifted, in that this is a rare combination of connection, intuition and blind faith hat helps me work with Charley. I was promised this year would bring me the gift of faith. However, I candidly and openly admit– this was not necessarily the fashion in which I thought I would receive it… but then, such is the humor of God. But even as special as all this seems- sometimes I get ahead of myself and the powers that be give me a reality check. Thus… the loss of Nemo.

Now, who is Nemo you might ask and rightly so. Nemo, my dear readers is a $3.00 lure that was most content to dangle perilously at the end of my fishing rod and had awarded me the most catches of any other lure and every other family member. But Nemo was not just a lure- Nemo was something more. He was cute! Small, with undulating colors of orange and blue he had a curled tail that twirled in the water- a highlighter yellow propeller, if you will and it made me happy just to watch him swim. Truth be told- I never cared if a fish bit. I just loved watching this little guy make his way through the green waters of the lake. Infact, if Nemo had been alive- he would have been a close second to my miniature Dachshund- Schnitzel! So…before you get all up in my grill, saying things like, “Ah, c’mon… I thought this blog was going to be something really cool about the case or something I discovered that was really scary that happened to Charley”… just stay with me. This didn’t happen to Charley- it happened to me.

Remember how I once told you that as a child, I used to pray every night from my bottom bunk in a room full of bunk beds that held 5 other sisters… to be the first kid on the block to see the Blessed Virgin?? Well?? Well… that  didn’t happen, but nonetheless- I knew that someday, something incredibly cool like that would happen to me. I knew even from a young age that there was a connection- albeit a weak one, but I knew that my silver cord was strong and that it would grow as I did and strengthen to aid me in some awesome project later in life. At the time, I can recall telling my family that one day I would write the great American novel. Ok… so they are still waiting for that, but this could be it. Charley could be my great American novel. Anyway- back to Nemo.

Last night Nemo and I went fishing together and on a dare, or a fleece per say… I asked the architects of my connection to grant me a fish on command, mostly to show my family up- but also that I would know that my connection was great. As I cast, I said a small prayer that I would find the connection instantly, a fish would find my lure and that the powers that be would find a moment to grant my silly, but heartfelt desire for confirmation. As I reeled in, I felt a small tug and joy sprung forth from my heart- I pulled hard to set the hooks and even as my heart sang–cerebrally I distinguished this rather strong tug back as a dis from the universe and not a fish.

It was an under water tree snag. The harder I tugged, the deeper it embedded in soddened bark. Several tugs later with unbridled disappointment… the line broke and I lost Nemo. I know that this is a $3.00 loss that I can fiscally sustain, but there was such a melancholy feel to the loss that I actually stood there at the end of my dock and cried. Why? Because my ego had cost me a very synthetic- but a very real companion- and all because I had lost my point of perspective. It was not the masters who had needed faith- it was me. Needing confirmation by catching a miracle fish meant that I had not learned the art of faith I was already silly enough to test. So there, at the end of my dock with tears the size of small Volkswagens rolling downs my cheeks, I said goodbye and expressed my heartfelt apologies to the tiny lure that had entertained and captured my heart- but not a fish.

Now, I know that you are all scratching your heads at this point and saying to yourselves… what the hell was that all about? What this was about is that we all tend to test our faith and connections, before we are ready to accept the consequence of the ego that thinks it has a right to do so.

Life is about lessons…
Because I kept the faith only academically… the lake got to keep Nemo. My only hope is that one day, when I least expect it… that the lake will bring him back to me and that I will find him washed up on my shoreline with silent smile and confirm that my faith- while it was a fledgling and weak enough to loose him- became strong enough to bring him back.

Missing Nemo…

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