9/9/11
I have spent
the better part of three days thinking; asking why my world seems to be in such
a holding pattern. Yesterday I received a bit of an answer for my troubles, in
an article that I read that posed the question, ‘Do you have enough faith in
the universe or yourself to allow it to work for you?’
I could
answer part of it with absolute conviction: Yes…I have faith in the universe.
But is that enough? Have I been sending it mixed messages, thereby
nullifying any effectiveness it might have been able to achieve? Have I been
clear in what I am asking for? Have I allowed enough time for the universe to
deliver what I ask for? Am I cooperating with the universe… or frustrating
it?
These are
all very important and personal questions that must be answered if I am to be
an effective element in my own evolution. In my insecurities about the
immediate future in regards to job issues, my writing and potential academic
overload…I realized that the odds were greater that I have been frustrating
it more than allowing it to bring to me what it is I have asked for. And in this frustration, I have beaten up on
Charley a bit of late for not coming to the plate with more information and
confirmations- so that I might be at greater ease and trust my instincts about
larger issues in his case.
You see, I
cannot share with you some of the weightier issues of this case. Why? Because
the stakes in this case are so very high dear readers…so very high. It wasn’t
about the moonshine or the illegal gambling- it was about the porn and you have
no idea how many people were involved in this. High rollers you cannot imagine
and in order to do this right and be able to call those out who so willingly
participated in Charley’s murder and the murder’s of three other victims… I
must be able to name names.
To write the
book as historical fiction reduces Charley’s life and his death to mere short
term Barnes and Noble shelf fodder. I do not want that for Charley, or Jessica
or Roxanne or the MOT. These were real people and not some cracked out
fictitious crime scenario I concocted to see my name in print. My name has
already been in print for years…
What I want
is to tell the truth… what I need is hard core confirmation to do so. I need the farmer to come to the plate, confess what he was part of and tell
the truth to release his soul from eternal damnation and to give Charley and his children the gift of dignity and the chance to exercise the act of forgiveness.
So dearest
Charley and the universe… you know the question.
“Was
the former judge, the previous ____________________, and the subsequent Lt.
______________ of the state of _____________the father of Jessica’s baby in
1966 and is that why _____________flew from Atlanta to Valdosta the night of
Charley’s murder? Is that why all the paperwork got shoved through local law,
ATF, GBI and FBI without question… why 46+ years and a hundred million
requests later… not a single soul, including Charley’s wife and/or either of
his children were able to receive any answers?”
Yes
or no? I’ll be waiting… maybe not quite as patiently as I should… but I
will be waiting.
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