8/29/2013
Ahhhhhh… rumor has it you do read the blog, Grim!
Now ask yourself…how does she know? Who is talking and who is watching?
Questions, questions.
Here’s a riddle for you:
How many people can you ask about this book and about me before people put 2 and 2 together and realize why? How many of them will stare at your weathered face and search for the scar from Roxanne? How many will see through your false honor and wonder how you could live with yourself after the things you have done and helped orchestrate? How many of them would now come to your rescue… knowing what they know?
Tough one.
You have painted yourself into a very tight corner, Grim, but maybe that’s what the fates have planned all along. Maybe they have placed you in such a vice to help you see you have only one choice to make. Remain silent and you cannot defend yourself or correct my errors. Come forward to accuse me of liable and they will all know it’s you. How does it feel to stand at the gates of indecision and know that before you lay only fire and behind you – nothing but disgrace and regret? What an awful way to spend your golden years. Each day waking–wondering–will this be the day they come to knock on the door? Will this be the day my loved ones can no longer hide what they suspect and see me different? Is this the day when even the grocery store becomes a landmine of suspicious stares and you know that from this point onward there will be no safe harbor for you to grow old in? Old friends will begin to remember old deeds…old cronies will decide to defend themselves and not you. You have become liability and no longer asset. Not enough left to protect and hide what you have done and no rat wants to go down alone. They CAN and they WILL take you with them. Think…the crime scene photos tell one story…the ballistics another and now we know that several witness statements were coerced. The tapestry of lies begins to unravel…publicly.
CONFESSION is your only out at this point and they are waiting to hear from you. Each day, another box of books flies off the shelf and gets mailed to points unknown and very known. Each day, people begin to search the local records, ask questions and piece it together. Try not to think of this not just as a time of Karma- for in truth, Karma is neither good or bad- it just is. Think of this rather as a chance for Charley , Roxanne, Jessica, and the MOT to be released from their eternal hurts and a time for you to clean the slate before you meet your maker. Ask G on the other side. She can tell you about Hell…and the endless parade of ‘what ifs’ that will plague after you have gone. She can tell you about the gates of heaven which remain closed to you until you repent and make amends. It is an empty void of endless pain and regret that binds you to other souls just like you who thought they ruled their fates on earth and after.
Do some homework, Grim. Dabble in a little new age consciousness before you try to convince yourself that there is nothing after death- but death. Read…educate yourself and then stand naked before a mirror and see yourself and the rot of guilt that thins your skin and eats away at your insides. You are no longer younger and protected, but merely the a shell of a man forever condemned to haunt himself. Your hair no longer _______ in color, your limbs no longer lithe and limber…what is left but a crooked smile and a constant reminder of your misdeeds carved beneath your eye by a young woman who haunts your dreams?
The universe does not do bravado, Grim. There will be no “attorney” on the other side to represent and defend you. There is no such thing as “fraternal protection” from the truth. All of you need to belly up to the bar and tell what you know before the great equalizer of death befalls you and eclipses your voice in the matter. The time has come to weigh your next move very carefully. Remove ego from the equation and think about eternity. Do you remember what happened to the shooter? Remember how he now washes his hands in an endless pool of blood that will not rinse clean? Or G, who screams like a banshee at the gates of an earthly cemetery that tether her to a place of hopelessness and despair.
Contrition is the first step to confession. In order to receive forgiveness- you must first forgive others- including yourself. But before that, you must come to heel and tell the truth of what happened to Charley that night and why. Remember, someone talked to Charley just hours before you met him out on that road with the others…can you survive the stress of not knowing what they have shared or what they are about to share?
Your choice, Grim.
Go big or go home. You are being offered a chance the others were not smart enough to take. Tell the truth before you fade and nobody cares to listen to your reasons or remembers you otherwise. You have lived 47 years in a lie; time to let the genie out of the bottle, before others do it for you. You decide, but remember… if you do not confess, this is your lot.
If you ask too many questions– they will want to know why you care.
If you don’t ask enough–they will wonder what else you are hiding.
So, which is it Grim?
Either way, the truth will come out in the end, so wouldn’t you rather be at the helm of your ship as she goes down?
Questions, questions…
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