What had I asked for?


As always when I hear my angle song there is a message, an answer to a question or a sign pointing the way. It took me  a day to recognize what it was, but it was finally received. After hearing the song, I kept my eyes and ears open for it. Never knowing how spirit decides to deliver these things, you must be ever vigilant, lest you miss it. Later in the day my husband and I went out to run an errand and we passed a church and the sign read, “God answers prayers.” I silently agreed and went back to concentrating on petty matters instead. Because I did not receive the message or the miracle in the package I desired it…I missed it for another 24 hours.

It wasn’t until R asked the next day if I had received an ah-ha moment that it hit me.  I actually started to say no, nothing had come through and then realized-I  am an idiot!

What had I asked for? “An undeniably recognizable sign that the angels were still with me, that I was still connected and on the right path.” But not just any old sign- I wanted something so specific to me that there was no way I could not recognize it. Then, just like a politician, I rolled in a bunch of other desires about the path of my writing, questions about real estate matters and like pork barreling, the message became convoluted with angst.

I had asked for a specific sign of connectivity, whether God was still listening to my prayers, if I was on the right path and what more specific sign could there be for me that the connection was both strong and real– than to have my angel song, Adam Lambert’s, “What Do You want From Me?”  blaring on the radio at a time I would normally have not been in a car to even hear it, followed by a direct quote later in the day on a huge sign  that said in bold letters-“God answers prayers!”?

When I finally realized the message had been delivered in plain English and rather direct, I laughed and felt as though spirit was probably jumping up and down, and with big red arrows pointing to the sign and yelling, “Hello! Over here kiddo…How much more direct do you need us to get?”

Some days I am remedial at best and greedy too! lol

Asking still for further guidance and understanding that it is necessary to get outside my head… I went outside  to clean the beach and walk  in the water. Reflecting on my recent myopic communications with spirit and other issues, I began picking up driftwood and debris and noted that for the first time in many, many months…the pure act of being present within the physical world allowed me to release silly anxieties over work and relocation decisions. Exercising muscles that have been way too dormant sitting at a desk, I took in deep breaths of fresh air and dug deeper into the shoreline with my rake. The sand shifted and released recent deposits and then suddenly a random wave reshuffled  the debris and I became frustrated with having just lost the results of my hard labor. Annoyed, I bent over to remove another clump of leaves and sticks and as I did, a beautiful gray and white feather floated through another wave of  lawn clippings, and driftwood fragments and landed at my feet.

Again, spirit was trying its best to remind me I have not been forgotten. A feather is alerting you that another important message is on its way!

So obsessed about my earthly concerns, I have ignorantly clogged my ability to appreciate the more subtle messages from spirit… or rather, so accustomed to this constant gentle repartee between myself and spirit now that I have forgotten the amazing reality of what has happened to me over the past few years.

Why do we do this? Why do we pray for a spiritual connection to Source…shock and awe at its arrival and then even as we awe at the unbelievable, we begin to see it as a new found commodity and forget how amazing it all is in the first place?

I was a schmuck. I had not only forgotten how amazing the conscious and physical realm connection to Source  was, I had forgotten just how incredible my own work resulting from it is—how it effects me and how it ultimately effects others through me. I had forgotten to appreciate the simple connection or how to allow myself to enjoy the accomplishments of my endeavors–to take time to let it do what it needs to do and to allow myself to rest and  recharge my energies in between projects–to recognize that there is a season to all things, all efforts and all outcomes.

So eager to change the world I had frustrated myself and others by demanding the world and I keep to the same pace. It does not and should not; thus the frustrations of an over achiever.

Allowing the world to revolve at its own pace, I went back to mine and tried to start over again the next day. Earlier I had  asked for inspiration  for this next book…and suddenly remembered what had come through in a reading with R that perplexed me about the killer’s behavior and something  heard in passing from a History Channel segment on the Civil War and Lincoln’s assassination.

So how do we tie the two together?

In the reading with R and the victims of the Columbus Strangler…each one commented on the killer(s), kneeling on their chest-fixating on the tremendous crushing weight on their chests- even so much so, that the sternum on several of these victims was broken. Once I opened up to receiving guidance and let the other daily nonsense of my personal dramas be set aside…I was directed back to the thought of this show. Though I could not find access tot he manuscript mentioned in the documentary, I was able to find something else, by following a trail of intuition. I found exactly what I needed through an antiquated document written by the co-conspirator to John Wilkes Booth, John Surrat…his diary as a co-conspirator and his induction into the Knights of the Golden Circle.

The initiation ceremony is described in great detail…it matches the killer’s MO.

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