5/26/10
It is important for you to know that in between all the research there is still my job to perform, a household to run and a personal life that I need to reclaim from the shadow of this. While Charley remains a constant in my day and sometimes on moonless nights a constant throughout my evening hours, the choice is always mine to walk away when it becomes more about him than it does about me. I know that must sound harsh in a way, but I must not loose sight of the fact that I am very much still alive and so are those that I share my days with.
Charley has consumed so much of the last year of my life, that I sometimes forget I have a life of my own to manage. Yet the minute I make up my mind to let sleeping dogs lie and walk away from the metaphorical porch; the dog wakes and barks incessantly until I return to the porch to keep him company while he sleeps. I look at the 8×10 on my desk and forget sometimes that it literally overshadows a smaller portrait beneath it; one of my mother, my baby sister and myself. But my mother is and always has been a gracious soul, so she smiles back at me and forgives the slight of tunnel vision I get while working on other projects. She is my hero.
There is so much I wish I could share with you, but now is not the time. Now is the time to gather more, process much and share little. It is unfortunate for I know you wait with baited breath at the next discovery and be certain that there have been more than a handful that have toyed with my mind of late. This case, for I know not what else to call it haunts my every hour. While last week brought me street signs and number patterns, this week has brought lessons in genealogy and geography. It is a most curious chameleon this case, for it changes daily with twists and turns like a python in distress whose appetite for completion swallows much in its path and leaves little for bottom feeders to feed from. Now is the time where those whose interest is not for the betterment of this process, to get left behind in the pursuit. Their previous words are weighed carefully against their intent and the scales of justice will wager what is their better fate. It is enough to leave them wallowing in the crushing boom of my silence.
For those with whom I have shared the entirety of my research, they are without shame most unabashed in their amazement. And yet with as much as I have learned, certain minutes of that night remain dark and unconstructed, but not for too much longer I hope. The clock on the wall continues to tick and I am resolved to stay committed to my deadline. Charley knows this and respects this. He understands that my personal time table is not a matter of indifference, but of self preservation. No one can remain effective at such a fevered pitch for an extended period of time and though I am want to continue at breakneck speed… I will need to return to my world to digest all that has happened before I lay pen to paper and commit for all to immortality what that night and its masters have wrought.
Again the numbers beckon. It is now exactly 10:10 and so I know a connection and a pact has been made that both Charley and I will honor. I serve him only well when I am at my best and for rutting out clues, the season will soon be past and so I wait at the edge of the night for the pace to steady, the information to flow and my abilities to decode its worth, blossom.
I shall leave you to contemplate these:
a headstone replaced
a little girl that fell down a ravine, trapped and injured
a young man whose promise in running was great
a chandelier in pieces
a man who abuses chickens
and a boat upon the water
Do they mean anything to you?
They will to me.
Until later then…
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