Happy Daughter’s Day to Jessica and Roxanne…

5/8/11

Happy Birthday to my oldest daughter… Happy Mothers Day to me and to all mothers in the world. Here we are, entering the second week in May and it reminds me that I am now two years into this journey with Charley. To tell you it has been the most fascinating two years of my life, almost feels like obscene understatement. In honesty- the last 5 years has been like a never-ending roller-coaster of let downs, epiphanies and upheavals that have completely reformatted my way of living and thinking.

It began with the loss of my mother. How appropriate then that today I am publicly directed to honor her. I do… I have… and I always will, for she was not mere parent- but great sage and mentor. I tell you this, because we tend to see our mothers in such limiting facets- such single dimensions and do not see the wealth of experience they gift us. Mine wielded great universal knowledge behind those tiny eyes of blue and instilled such lust for life and wisdom, that today I am obliged to give thanks and grant accolades for a job well done.

Today then too, I shall think of Hazel and the tremendous gift she gave her two children and to me by proxy. Thank you for sharing Charley with me Hazel. He too, has been great mentor and guide and my gratitude is endless. As for the mothers of Roxanne and Jessica… my heart aches for each of you that your children were lost to you, but know this: I continue to follow whatever guidance granted to help bring them back to you. Jessica- to you I send a silent Mothers’ Day wish, knowing that your joy was overshadowed by your fear. It was wrong of ________________ to take that from you and to Roxanne, a sincere apology that you were robbed of such.

Talk to me ladies. I have pled your case before those who must now act in my stead, but still with eager heart wait to learn more. The smoker killed once… then a second time because he feared he would get caught for the first. How sad for you both that somewhere along the line, life failed you. I cannot replace your mothers, but I can extend the hand of friendship and ask that you participate in your collective release from this pain.

Roxanne… please continue to talk, my dear child. All the glitter of attention and the baubles of the industry they brought you, garnered you nothing but chaos and death in the end. The MOT could not protect you, even though his heart ached at your demise. Tell me more about the watch Roxanne.
It was engraved.
What else did it say???
Signed, “With Love, ________________.”

Tell me everything Rox. You owe them NO ALLEGIANCE.

Dearest Jessica… men who were not worthy, took from you your youth, a chance at motherhood and your life. Do not allow them to rule your new universe. Tell me how to find you. The pool no longer stands as once it did. Tell me about the shovel- the compass. Tell me about your face- the pain. Tell me where to find your mothers, that I might comfort them. Tell me where to find Aunts and Uncles- nieces and nephews- that family might finally be able to heal and help you finish your journey.

As mother and daughter, I promise to be there to guide and listen to you both. He/they can no longer hurt you in this realm- but together we can show him/them that your memory has not been forgotten and that you live within hearts they cannot reach. The 4 in flannel… there are two of the original 4 left my darlings…two who can still pay for their crimes against you…the MOT…Charley… and the families that suffered your collective loss.

This is not about revenge… this is about JUSTICE.
I am here… waiting. You know how to find me.
Happy Daughter’s Day, to you both.

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