12/31/11
Today is the last day of 2011 and in a way I will be very happy to see it leave and in another…it saddens me. This past year has been a whirlwind of emotion and events with this case and I have been shown the alpha and the omega of its impact on both Charley’s life and my own.
I cannot speak for Julie’s, for there is no way for me to comprehend her loss at such an early age.In this year I have learned to manage my life better, think more clearly and let go of many things and people who no longer suit the path that I am on. I continue to write the book and I am amazed that even as I have lived it, I am still anxious with every page to find out what happens next. Crazy isn’t it? One would think at this point, that all this would become mere regurgitation, but it is so much more.
With each chapter I discover things I have some how overlooked or never saw from the angle meant.
R said this was about my journey and while it was also about solving Charley’s murder and the conspiracy that followed to cover up the remaining victims…it remains a testimony to an unbelievable connection between Charley and I that was forged in heaven to serve us both. For this I am thankful… for my benefactor who arranged such, I am indebted.
What I love most about Charley, is that he has remained the man he is. Heaven has tempered him in that he has learned to see things from a more loving perspective and in his doing so, he has tutored me in the art as well. Have I accomplished the same as he and at the same level of proficiency? Nah… But he’s had a little more practice than I at being an angel.
What I have learned though is not to be so hard on myself. I am by birth an over achiever. I am by choice a determined soul who will not let go of something until I have served it well or laid it to rest. This case is about to be finished. Have I answered all the questions and tied all the knots? Not all… but certainly the most important ones I believe. The book will be completed soon and then the master task of editing. How much of me do I leave in and how much do I take out? You say but this is about Charley’s murder and it is…but his murder is now part of my life. And in solving his murder, I am eternally bound to his life as well. We are like to old book ends now… a right and left shoe…a right and left glove. I cannot imagine that even when book is done and justice has been served that his face and his affection will not escort me through each additional adventure the cosmos has set aside for me.
This blog will continue, even after Charley has been served because there are others who need my help as well. This is my divine path now- chosen by those in higher places than I, for reasons I cannot comprehend…but do not wish to disregard. The healing has swung both ways on this one and I will never be able to forget what this journey has meant to me. It brought me from a place I was never supposed to be, to a place I could never have imagined. Yesterday while packing a box, I ran across the last card my father ever gave me. Naturally it was religious in nature, but there was a message init that caught my attention because it was from Jeremiah 3:33.
If you have kept up with this blog you will understand how important both Jeremiah and the numbers 333 are.
It reads…
“Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.”
This journey with Charley, with Roxanne, with Jessica and with the MOT- whoever he really was has led me to great and unsearchable things I never knew. I pray that as this year surrenders to the next that I have served you, the reader well and that I have served those victims in this legacy even better. I will continue to write about Charley for a time and then one day… it will cease. I have a new adventure that waits just around the corner and I can hear the victims begin to speak that it is their time. That they are ready to move forward in their evolution. But until I am ready to move forward in mine… they will have to wait just a few months more. I too have things to heal and hands I wish still to hold on to tightly.
You know, I always prayed that it would be Charley who would come to me, just as he has come to R and said, “Let’s us have a chat.” Every day, every night I would be patient…praying that he’d come and talk to me. That it was his choice, or his chore to initiate such. But that was the old me. The new me knows that I no longer need an invitation to engage. The new me says, “Hey Charley, let’s us have a chat.” And now I begin the conversations and it is he that has to catch up!
Happy New Year to Charley…Happy New Life to me!
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