7/29/2012
I am happy that the end of this month is near. July seems to be the month for retrograde of every kind; communications, emotions, best intensions…
While some retrogrades allow us to stand still for a moment and revisit issues in an attempt to deal with them with more grace; sometimes the stall creates more frustrations than the actual issue itself. Thus, my month and I will be happy to send it sailing off the calendar!
I have worked hard these past few years and anxious for the culmination, this month has ground down my finely tuned patience to almost non-existence. Yes, there are things that have happened of late that are wonderful- even monumental and I am very grateful for their entrance upon this stage. Still, my internal engines have been revving for so long that my tires grow weary of the spin without the carrot of traction to move forward.
Patience… patience… patience is the mantra I must repeat over and over to calm my soul. Anxious for August, when the weight of the #2 year will begin to release its hold on my momentum, I stare at the middle of the week and pray for its enthusiastic discharge. The signs are everywhere. They ask me if I am ready and while I eagerly chomp at the bit, I have no idea where it will all lead… only that it must lead somewhere other than here. Here in this stagnant hamster wheel where I run my little legs off and stare at the same old scenery as I go by.
I do have chores to do. The final pages of this book have been crafted and re-crafted, turned over and plowed under a thousand times to create more fertile soil for just the right ending.
Why do I wait?
Because I have not heard from you yet.
Because there are people out there with information, or questions that they wish to ask and I refuse to commit to the final paragraph without their input. If you have contacted me before and have waited to get back…follow through, for the time grows short and I wish to be of service to you all. I have, in years gone by answered every contact, every miniscule inquiry, and researched every suspicion and will continue to do so.
Tit for tat, my dear readers.
You help me… I help you.
There are enough of you now that follow this blog, that have pieced this thing together and wait with baited breath as to how it will end. Actually, there are more than enough of you who follow this blog. Dare I say most of Valdosta and far beyond your little burg has heard of this now and those of you who have much to worry about… have much to worry about! For you, your respectable veneers have thinned so that you are now nearly transparent to those who seek the truth. Before, when days would lag in between my posts, you would consider me mute or quite without inspiration. Now when days lag in between posts, you wonder… What else does she know? Who is watching me now? Are they at the doorstep? Is that them on the phone? Does my neighbor think this is me?
The answers?
If you just asked those questions… the answer is YES.
I always know more, because I continue to search for the truth in this case and there are those now even more willing to share it.
Who is watching you now? Everybody!
Are they at your doorstep? They may be just around the corner… or right across the street.
Is that them on the phone? Not answering it only makes you look more suspicious in their eyes.
Does your neighbor think it’s you? That you could be one of the 4 in flannel who took great glee in erasing the lives of Charley, Jessica, Roxanne and the MOT? And what of the other man who wore the brown suit and paces still with ghostly steps at the 4-way, waiting on Grim to give back the money and tell him the truth about what he was dragged into! Perhaps you could mail it back to him, Grim. Rumor has it he waits at his mailbox, still.
So, does your neighbor think it’s you? Does your Preacher think it’s you? Does your wife kow who she beds at night? Do your children suspect the blood all over your hands? And will they be able to forgive you for the lie of your life?
Good question.
Too bad you are too afraid to find out the answer… because by asking it? You have just confirmed all their fears!
Have a nice day, Grim.
BTW’s… cute car! Surprised it was so small…since all of you once seemed to prefer the big boxed Buicks. So much better for moving bodies or… at least violating them before hand.
Brownstonelit's Blog 
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