And so it has come…

1/6/2013

And so it has come…

The day I have feared and fought for, for four years…the weaning day. Like a beautiful relationship that has blossomed and run its course, the death of Charley Covington can now become the celebration of this life and his legacy. Will the book change what has been written?

Yes…even as it changes the past it will alter the present and the future for all connected to this crime. For both criminals and victims bound to this case by its tragedy and its consequence–each will be eternally altered for what has been written here, what has been shared- what has been taught and what has been learned.

Is Charley a better man for what I have done?

No…Charley is the man he has always been; a kind and loving soul who got his head turned in a moment of weakness and his heart betrayed in a moment of despair. A father who loved his children, a husband who fell in and out of love with his wife a hundred times over the course of their 19 year marriage- just like every other long term couple will tell you- if they do not lie. Charley was a man who saw something wrong in this world and in the midst of his own catharsis- tried to change the course of history for those who could not do it for themselves.

Am I a better woman for what I have done?

Yes…because somewhere in the midst of my own catharsis he reached out and found me-to keep me from making the same mistakes-to show me a loss before I could affect it. Because of his kindness, I am kinder. Because of his faith, I am more faithful. Because of his devotion- I am more devoted. Because of his death I have a greater life…

I am a mother who loves her children and a wife that now cherishes a husband who has been there for over 30 years waiting patiently for me to love him back the way he deserves. He is the man who brought me from young adult through motherhood and menopause, and gifted me the valuable lessons of loyalty and conviction. Together, he and Charley have taught me that love is not always a rush of affectionate feelings- a flash of pheromones…some days it is little more than a decision that we must make until the rush returns again and confirms that we are on the right path.

Because of Charley…I not only see the wrongs committed by others… but the wrongs I have committed myself. Because of his example, I will do my best to change the course of history for those who cannot do it for themselves… to decipher the shorthand of the dead and to hold the hands of those still alive who grieve their loss. This is my duty- this is my calling.

Charley and I are forever- we are written amongst the stars and he has promised to never leave my side. As the days move forward, he has promised to hold my hand as I venture into other worlds that I cannot even dream of yet. He will guide and hold me steady as I pen my way across the heartaches of other souls who wait for healing and for justice.

Does this mean the blog has ended? No… For this blog will continue as we all continue. Discoveries in this case have led me to another and it is for that set of victims that one door must be traversed to get to the next. Do these doors close behind me as I go? In a sense they will always be open…but in another I cannot tether those behind them to my side without stalling them in their evolution. As for Charley? Divine love requires that I must let him go…to walk amongst the stars- to seek the face of God and to joy in the marvels of his own salvation.

Do I love Charley Covington? Would it surprise you to know that somewhere in the deepest part of my soul I believe we have always been one- not in the sense that human’s find necessary to label. Charley and I have a soul recognition that I believe defies the boundaries of conventional wisdom- that breaches the veil of death and that cannot be contained by the human heart- but by the divine.

The rendering is bittersweet- for even as I am letting him go- I am holding him tighter.

Stay close dear friend…you are and forever will be… my heart…my angel…my shepherd.

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