3/25/2013
Yesterday was one of nostalgia . With my husband in New York I was left for several days to digest revisions and to complete projects for my finals. It has been a busy last few days and so I took some time out last evening to relax a bit. Since the weather was not cooperating I decided to fore-go more reading and veg out in front of the television. To my wonderful surprise, Field of Dreams was on, and so I both laughed and cried as it now has become my English bible.
Later amongst a dinner for one, I watched a previously record Julie and Julia– previously recorded as in September of 2012! And I cannot tell you how marveled I am at Meryl Streep! That woman could become anyone- she’s beyond amazing. And Amy Adams…precious! That being said, I took the time to recall why these two films have become so special for me. Of course, the baseball movie is a homage to my parents and to Charley; only the iconic saying would have to be changed to…”if you solve it- they will come.” Solve it I have and yes… they have come… many times as a matter of fact. For this, I am grateful and cannot thank R enough for her constant conduit to them. s I told you before, I once thought that it was Charley who brought me my parents, but in truth the opposite is to be true. My parents brought me Charley so that I might learn to wade through my grief by focusing on another’s first.
As for Julie and Julia…it was that film that first presented the idea of a blog for this project. Julie Powell however was rather lucky- her project lasted on 365 days and brought her a plethora of recipes to which dazzle folks on Thanksgivings for the next 4,000 years. I cannot bone a duck, but I can read between the lines and imagine truth and light where killers have done there best to put it out. The movie also gave me great pause, because in the midst of this woman’s determination to complete her task, she learned she had lost touch with part of her daily life. For a brief time, she kept her focus so tight- she could not see beyond her shadow. I have caught myself in such straights several times as well. In my eagerness to process and mentally prosecute this case I have lost sight of the world around me on occasion.
It is important that we stay the course… that we seek to achieve our goals and cross the finish line, but not at the expense of someone else- else the victory is hollow. You may feel that I have breached such shores myself from time to time because I share so little here that you are debating whether to walk away from this blog and find a new folly to pursue. I don’t blame you. There’s little to grit your teeth about or purse your lips in whispers about these days. I know what it is you want. I know why you come here everyday. Like those in Sweeney Todd you wait as the Baird wipes his bloody hands and shines his glinting blade in the window for you to see. You want blood. You sit and hold your breath each time you see a post. Then you get here and I talk about movies and days of yore and your disappointment soars. Where are all the graphics murder scenes, you ask… What about the girls? G? The MOT? Charley? The merry murderers? Where are all the questions and the justifications for their brutal behaviors? Where? Where are all the secrets and stolen moments? The missing teeth, the barbed wire about the ankles…torn hats and dangling acorns?
They are still all here…silent and patiently waiting their time to shine. If I could share more, I would…or…eh, maybe not. You see, this is not just a story for me. Oh sure I have been crafting the book since forever it seems, but do not forget- this is an investigation for me as well. These were and are real people who both committed and suffered real crimes. Understand? Real people died- real people should be investigated and incarcerated. Is this my job? Now… mine was to lay the bread crumbs for others to follow. Now to be fair…would you really expect me to do all this work, so that I could abandon common sense and serve only ego? Be it mine or yours? Of course not. I have gone back to school for this- studied for three years now and still have more to go. Would I do such for grins? Don’t be so naive or greedy in your wants.
Do you really think that the bird sings loudest when the cat has entered the woods, so the cat will know exactly where he is and what he is doing? No…he sits quiet upon a branch. Calm and still he watches the movements of the feline below. Cautiously he follows his lead and makes not a move while the cat’s ears are pricked. Wisdom seeks patience. The bird waits until the danger has passed before he sings again.
This bird will sing again, I promise. But first I must dot my i’s, cross my t’s and my LT’s and then…
Shhhhhhhhh…shhhhhhhh… shhhhh…it’s the cat!
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