9/13/10
Today I received some information and for the first time since starting this blog, I went to my “Recent Documents” to record it and the title for this blog was not amongst the list of them.
What does this tell you?
While Charley is still very much a part of my day, he has become less of my obsession. Attentions now are multifaceted with course studies, papers and two productions to produce, just as I predicted. His 8 x10 is still on my desk and I still check in with him, but I am now in a holding pattern till he jump starts this thing again. The weeks are rolling by and I do not want for him to get lost among the dates of things that mark time, but do not change it. His birthday is coming up soon and I cannot help but wonder how it will be celebrated this year. I owe Charley a debt of gratitude. He took me from a difficult place in my life and captivated my mind so I could navigate that space by flying above it and focusing on something else. For this, I am eternally grateful. So now it is time for me to give back.
What do you want Charley?
Do you want for your killer to be named?
I can do that.
Do you want for the world to know why you were killed?
I can do that too now.
Do you want for those people to have their names called before a community who closed their eyes and left your dignity to rot beside you?
I can do that as well and without hesitation.
Do you want forgiveness? For that you must speak to your spouse and your maker.
Do you want your life back?
I am not God, Charley. I cannot give you back this plane, nor the time stolen from you all. But I can give you a chance to breathe again through my words- through your daughter’s new understanding of you. She knows you now Charley, in a way she could have never before you found me. I tend to forget sometimes that your 8 x 10 image was as foreign to her as it was to me when this project started. How different now things are- how forever altered our impressions of you.
You are not the cold hearted prig, or the fragile sinner their shadows cast you as. You’re a heck of a nice guy who got his head turned by a pair of long legs, black eyes and an even blacker heart… none of which should have risen to the cost of your life. So you think about it Charley. What do you want for your birthday this year? You name it- skies the limit… or maybe not?
Just slip your wish list under my pillow and I will see what I can do about it. Think Charley, think.
In the meantime, I believe I already know the first wish. Let me help…
“Julie? Your father says he wants you to know- he would never have left you- never.”
Remember from another reading…
“Do you understand clapping of the hands and the signing of a heart in the air? It is for you, Julie. His heart belongs to you.”
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