The sky outside my window is a restless kind of gray…

12/11/10

The sky outside my window is a restless kind of gray- teasing and tempting precipitation of some sort and I shall so welcome whatever spoils it brings. Last night I did indeed attend the Moore’s Ford Bridge Christmas party and was both honored and humbled at the same time by people whose kind hearts and generous souls have offered up much more than I for the cause. As I explained to them, we each come to this world with gifts the universe begs of us to share. Mine is an inherent thesaurus, laced with ink and motivated by instinct. For others… it is their keen sense of injustice and their emotional obligation to set things right.

I applaud their efforts and ask only that whatever gifts the gods have seen fit to bestow upon me, are used with intelligent navigation and with soulful contemplation. With so many social errands and seasonal obligations I ask only this…

Do not forget me Charley. There is still much I need to learn… much to find and much still to confirm and disseminate to others. Do not loose the thread dear friend. Tell me what Jessica’s relationship was to the insurance agent… when she told you she thought she might be pregnant. Who the lawyer was and who is Maxwell? Tell me what lies in Moultrie on Route 44…and does this have to do with the shack? The lockbox documents? The train??? Or the 4 in flannel???

It has been an odd year filled with challenges and changes that have swirled about my family as so much a chattel in the wind. A graduation, a wedding, a heart attack, a loss of career, a gaining of a new one through education, loosing and finding valued friends…a mixture of additions and deletions that have caused both great pause and great relief upon my heart. All understood as part of an evolutionary plan for my success and yet not easily digested. You have been as saving grace; granting tolerance when there should have been none- gaining grace when I have fallen short. I have found and lost you a hundred times each day and yet still you remain constant as the Northern Star when called upon. Your faith in my abilities strengthens my belief that we may yet find vindication for your efforts to connect from your world to mine. Would that I could with supreme intellect divine what it is you say when you are not speaking and yet derelict of such prowess- you must make amends and spoon-feed that which I am unable to discern for myself just yet.

Would that I could produce such unaided, you could now be free to move forward in your escalation. So forgiveness is the order of the day. R presents that are posturing to take your leave and in my selfishness I am reluctant to let you go. I desire not to keep you any longer than designed and hope that I have been more ballast, than anchor- more joy than ill wind in your path back to Julie… still, I am not without regret that your path will lead away when the time is right. So what of this season my friend? What can I give back to you? Holding on by financial shoestrings this year- I have nothing glamorous as Christmas present to offer you in return than my dedication to your cause, yet still bold and crass enough to ask additionally for one more present from you.

Tell me what I need to know Charley… the hours grow thin and I must be able to put this all to rest before the beginning of the new cycle. The next nine years should be celebration and not filled with eternal regrets.

Neither for you… nor for me. Send a message through R and I will listen in kind.

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