Who for you, Grim?

2/22/2013

Note the 2 22 2 in the numerical equation above? This signifies that everything is fine and that I must trust and be patient, and wait while the angels are working things out behind the scene for me in heaven. It is difficult to do so. So many years and so many hours have been spent in trying to bring this all to fruition, that my heart skips a beat each nightfall knowing that Charley still waits for his day in court and that his family wrestles with the weight of each delay.

Today is a day to catch up on things; homework, housework…breathing!

The sun has decided to play elsewhere today and that is ok by me. With hot coffee and beautiful music, my soul can rest a minute in between papers and duties. I have put my forty hours in, in 4 days and will use this day to plug the holes in my studies and the gaps in my heart where obligation has stolen my minutes away from pen and placid thought. I warned of my schedules- mostly to keep myself from frustrations and I do my best to temper my eagerness- knowing that all will happen according to divine orchestration and that even those whom I serve are more comfortable with the time table heaven presents than I.

The editor continues in her duties…I sit patiently while bits and pieces of my soul become tailored and tweaked for public consumption. To be sure, so many of you do not understand the long road a manuscript must travel before it hits the streets. So many say; when? When will this come to print? What’s the delay? Of course, I could publish tomorrow on E-book…but Charley deserves my best and a shot at the big time. I do not wish him to be buried beneath so much digital chattel and entrepreneurial regurgitations. As I tried to explain to the editor, this is not just a shoot ’em up bang, bang book. I shall leave that to the Hollywood hacks to churn out after the fact. This is a true story about a man’s life and his murder. It is also about how his death has impacted my life and while it may present as more titillating to hop from lecherous hype to lecherous hype… there was some real soul work done throughout this adventure. The book is not just the culmination of research and discovery about the case and its many players, but about how we as humans interact with one another…how we define ourselves, our needs, our wants, our miracles and our sins

The longer it takes- the more I fret. The days roll by slowly and sometimes I begin to second guess my efforts. Was it all for Charley? Was it all for me? In then end, I acquiesce and acknowledge it was for us both. He was the vehicle by which I was allowed to exercise my demons…let go the reins of grief by serving another’s heartache. And for Charley? I pray that my efforts have lessened his grief…bridged his evolution and brought his family and his heart to a better segue. Not a day goes by that I do not wish another life for him, Jessica and Roxanne. Not an hour goes by that I do not thank them for the grace of their trials and realize that but for the grace of God, go I. The girls, once another’s’, are now my children too. I grieve for them both…their loss of childhood, womanhood, motherhood and a full life.

For this– for them–Grim and the others must pay. Not with money- for that is what shall help fuel the fires of their own eternal damnation. All the dollars- the hush money- the real-estate  and the gem stones. Oh Grim, you and your cohorts are foolish old men now and must reap the Karma the universe holds for all of you. Ego however, was your greatest crime. A young and virile man with power from those higher as sanction and buffer. Alas, they… well at least one of them is gone now. Now with rotted teeth and fragile bone, you all try to hide from the face of God and pray that any other kindnesses you have committed in your lives will be used to barter for your collective freedom from the fires…but that’s not going to happen. An eye for an eye, Grim. You helped orchestrate the deaths of those more innocent than you. Live by the sword- die by the sword you cowardly old fool. You think on that old man as you sit, hiding behind your curtains watching the cars that roll past your house. When will they come… when will they come? How many will there be? What story shall I tell to cover my sins? To cover my scars? What story will they buy? How much do they know… how much can I remember? Who have I told what and who can I still trust?

Move that money to and froe… shuffle your statements and try to build your lies about how you got it. In the end it will not matter what you say…what you do. The truth will not set you free my dear, Grim….but it may just shave a few years off your sentence! Think about it while you sit in your soiled DEPENDS.

Have a great day, Grim!

Oh BTW’s… thinking about who might be cast in the movie to play some of the characters from the book. Personally, I’m hoping for Diane Lane  to play me.

Who for you, Grim?

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