Brownstonelit's Blog

3/20/2014

On the 14th I received a call that disturbed me. Later that day I was cut off by a small Toyota that had a license plate that read: MRRLJR

Translate that in my world? Mr. R.L. Jr.

The true identity of my 4th in flannel? Hmmmm… the universe is charging me with new impressions- new insights. The next day a man noticed my Miniature Dachshund, Schnitzel and then commented about how much he loved his…a Dachshund named, “Charlie.” Perhaps we are not yet finished with the rest of this story?

On an aside, much of late has been pointing towards unrelenting change…

I know you grow weary of hearing such heralds from all angles as this year seems to be hell bent on change, and even in my own life I am not immune to the reality of its impact. In my front yard, there now looms a huge sign…in my job I can feel shifts, in my life I can see new and uncharted curves in the road ahead. I am being asked to prepare- nay, almost demanded to prepare and to release to allow for the new adventure about to begin.

How do I know? Because the universe is extremely subtle in asking us not to be attached to the outcome of a certain situation- or situations and they are asking us to trust the process and notice the guidance they offer freely.

The angel in charge of my particular situation had a rather clever way to snag my attention!

This morning I took the dogs for a walk. Fog lay thick across the lake like yesterdays regrets and out of the burled chiffon haze, two Canadian geese appeared. Juxtaposed against the brilliant white and magenta striped blossoms of multiple landscaped Japanese Magnolias, it was a calming and surreal visual. Naturally I scrambled to retrieve my phone from my housecoat pocket and raised it to snap a photo and in the screen, a gray box appeared and told me basically that I had too much crap stored in my memory to allow the photo to be taken. The geese dipped and slid one way and then the other in between the branches of the tree blossoms…I clicked and erased as many messages and old photos as I could. By the time I had enough memory to capture the scene- the geese had had enough of the cove and begun to move on. I paused for that moment- looked at my phone and just as I was about to mentally blame it for its archaic margins, I realized it had nothing to do with the phone-but the operator and understood the futility of my erasing– and released the frantic need to hold or capture this image and simply allowed myself to enjoy the joy of its immediate and sacred expression.

The message was clear. As evolved as I’d believed myself to have become…I had fallen back into old modes. Eager for and frighted of imminent change-I was still carting around too much old information and too many old images as a security blanket—so much so, that my backlog of experience and regret had blocked my ability to allow and process something new… something beautiful…something poignant and something fleeting. Determined I would get the photo I felt I deserved to help promote and secure future Zen like moments, I raced the dogs back to the deck– slammed the gate shut and in slippered feet rushed back down towards the dock through the front yard to get another view and another shot at capturing the serenity and fleeting beauty. Instead of capturing the two majestic geese and billowing blossoms in flight inside my  electronic frame-the backside of a new large size which reads “Lake Property For Sale” loomed huge in the center of the screen on my phone and caught me up short. As I stood there and tried to adjust myself, the sign continued to get in the way of my electronic bliss. The geese unaware of my plight followed the shoreline and in that moment, the fog and the bent light that had glowed behind them no longer held the magic or the allure of the moment before and  brought up short by my own recent decisions, had an epiphany without the benefit and buffer of caffeine.

How odd, that there on the shore of my author’s retreat I had finally been faced with the reality and the repercussions of my decisions. The very moments I had yearned to preserve forever, were never meant to be forever. Nothing is ever meant to be forever. Control is an illusion.

Familial crisis dictates change and try as I might to protect or control the outcome of what must now move me forward again…I am both victim and agent of my own decisions; fearful I have made the wrong decision or that by manifesting something new- I have betrayed something old.

And then in the midst of such quandaries, I heard the words I was meant to hear to clam my fears:

“It is time.”

As a Taurus, I am not comfortable with change- even as my soul begs for it- I fear what I crave. So for today, I shall put on my big girl pants, tilt my head towards the stars and smile, knowing that change is the only true constant in my life and that this mission I have been given was done given for a reason.

Here’s to a new adventure- may I be brave enough to embrace it!

This entry was posted on March 20, 2014 at 2:25 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.