Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

The deep and hollowed voice of…

March 6, 2012

 

3/6/12

Aside from familial heartbreaks, I had a very interesting weekend. Julie and her son Connor came for a visit and together we walked down Julie’s memory lane through numerous photos and one very special recording of Julie’s 6th Birthday…the Birthday just before her father was murdered.

 

For over 30 minutes we listened to the chatter of meddling adults, the squeals of laughter coming from a gaggle of small children, the careful orchestration of events as moderated by her brother, the clatter of toys…and then in the background for no more than a handful of words…a voice.

 

The deep and hollowed voice of Charley.

Mustang packed and loaded down…

March 5, 2012

3/5/12

So much is happening these last few days and not all of it wonderful. The book is coming along wonderfully. I won tickets to see John Edward the Psychic/Medium this weekend and am going to watch my oldest child perform on stage as well. In between all that… heartache looms. After two years, a promising relationship for one of my children has fallen apart and my heart breaks for her as she weathers this storm. Broken in spirit she gathers her things, divvies up the groceries left in a kitchen cabinet and tries to convince the dogs that it’s not what she wants, but it can’t be helped. The puppy does not understand why it cannot stay in its home or with its playmate … neither can she and all the while, tears fall from her eyes while she tries to convince them both its better this way.

Mustang packed and loaded down, we run form old home to new, knowing another week will pass before it is all removed. Today as I looked into the eyes of a confused German Shepard puppy, I really understood what it means to break up a family… even a fledgling one. People can be so unkind; quick to love and even quicker to leave when the going gets tough. I do not understand. Why are we all so chicken__________ when it comes to love?

Charley never disappoints…

March 2, 2012

3/2/2012

Yesterday I saw a feather…

This morning as I was driving, I was suddenly reminded of a scene from the movie, The Field Of Dreams about how (Moonlight Graham) Doc’s wife Alicia always wore blue and folks in town always put blue hats in the windows, because they knew if Doc walked by and saw them… he would buy one of them.  In the scene, the writer character, Terrance Mann sat quietly taking notes and listening as the man beside him coddled a beer and then continued…

“…They said when they cleaned out his office after he died; they found shoe boxes full of blue hats he never got around to give her. I bet you didn’t know that, did you?” the man on the bar stool queried.

“No.” said Terrance Mann as he finished his memo and then closed his notebook, smiling. “I didn’t.”

I thought about that for a moment as fence post after fence post invaded my peripheral vision, wondering why Charley would have wanted me to think about that.   I parsed the epiphany for about five seconds before it hit me…hats! Where else had I heard about someone similar to Doc Graham who had an affinity for hats?

Go back into your notebooks T.A., Charley whispered… way back! Think!! And I did…

Gotcha!

Thanks for the feather, my dear friend. You never disappoint!

Today I saw a…

March 1, 2012

3/1/2012

Today I saw a feather…

We all know what that means!

You ask the questions…

February 29, 2012

2/29/12

You ask the questions… you chatter amongst yourselves about the blog in the café’s and the doctor’s offices and grocery stores of your little burg, moving your players about the chess boards of your titillated imaginations and say…

“Was it him? Was it her? Was it them? Who are the 4 in flannel? How could these things have happened here? Who was really involved and how could people have done such horrible things? How do two young girls go missing and nobody asks where they went? How does a crime investigation last less time than a L’Oreal color rinse? Were there any more people who suddenly went missing in 1966 without proper segue to justice… or proper burial… or public declaration? Where are the files? Where are the names? Where is the outrage? What really happened before that night on the Clyattville-Nankin  Road on October 9, 1966?”

But the question you should all be asking yourselves is not contained in those listed above. The real question you should be asking is…

 

Why has it taken 46 years for anyone to ask them at all?

Rest in peace, my dear girl…

February 28, 2012

 

2/28/12

 

Yesterday should have been a day for feathers and yet, none crossed my path. How ironic, for I felt the bald eagle from last November, metaphorically spread its wings high above me and shelter me from harm. I did an interview yesterday and while I wanted to sing from the rafters, this canary clung to the cage of tact and held her tongue. It was a curious day. Sometimes I felt very much alone in my path and then without fanfare, Charley would be near me, his face hinting of a smile—but not committing.  It almost felt as though he was holding back on purpose… watching and waiting, like a child eager for a parent to open a present they had made for them.

 

Yesterday too was a day for Roxanne. Once my work day had ended, I spent the drive home listening to “Il Divo,” a CD sung by the 4 famous Italian Tenors and while I understood very little of the foreign language spoken, the music was beyond beautiful, their voices primal and striking and it touched my heart so that I listened in silence the entire ride. Once home and stranded in pensive mode, I poured a generous Amaretto on the rocks and sat on the deck- watching the sunlight skip across the water as it began to hide behind the tree line. Everything was perfect. I said a small prayer of gratitude and then at the shoreline, a small frog disturbed the sullen rhythm of the lapping waves and sent out a ripple that grew with each foot of water it consumed. In that instant I thought of the perfection of my placement in the cosmos, the encouragement of my view juxtaposed against the disappointing view my dear Roxanne saw from her vantage point in another body of water 4 hours to my south. I wanted to cry and tell her that not all lakes bore such evil tidings…that I would be happy to share such happy shores of my own with her. And then I bid her to rest with me…there on the beach for a time before she moved on to what was necessary for her evolution.

 

I know she heard me, for as the buttery sun began to melt beyond the horizon, a small breeze escaped the lips of the hemlock nearby and a long blonde hair drifted across my cheek and tickled the end of my nose.

 

Was it one of mine…or one of hers?  I brushed the hair away, but it returned time and time again and so I smiled and let the wind and Roxanne play where they willed.

 

I know that this blog must come to an end, as all things eventually do. I know that there may be some questions asked that may never be answered. But I also know that there have been many questions brought to bare, shadows dispelled and light shed where none has shined for over four decades. Is today the day this blog ends? That remains to be seen. For now, I am content to let Charley grin and Roxanne play and I invite the MOT and Jessica to do the same. Let them rest for awhile and live with me here, in this glorious place that was chosen just for me.

 

How do I know it was chosen for me?

 

Because like every other clue presented, certain numbers were offered to R as significant. Over 6 months ago, the exact letters in this address kept appearing to R in the exact order they occur on my mail. At the time I had no idea their significance or what they were tied to. Infact, it wasn’t until I unpacked my first box that it dawned on me that someone had been guiding me to this sanctuary all along.

 

Who knows… it may have even been Roxanne.

Rest in peace, my dear girl. I am here to keep you safe…all of you!

One word…

February 28, 2012

2/27/2012

BREATHE!

“So long! And… thanks for all the fish!”

February 24, 2012

2/24/12
Today will be one for the books.
To be specific, “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy” by Douglas Adams.

Why?
Oh, let’s just say something about going fishing… dolphins… the cosmos…and the famous tag line—“So long! And… thanks for all the fish!”
Well, the other day I set out my pole. This morning I reeled in a fish! And quite a necessary fish to boot. You see, sometimes you know things without knowing that you know them. Even worse, you suspect you are right about someone or something, but cannot prove it until low and behold… someone drops a Mackerel in your lap the size of a 1966 Volkswagen and you are validated!
Well, today I got that Mackerel; albeit a dead Mackerel, but a Mackerel nonetheless and that makes me smile! Why? Because at 6:47 this morning, Charley and I had a little chat. As the drizzle began to glaze the landscape and blur in the darkening clouds, I ran through a sequence of recent events and asked why it is that with so much completed… I hang on the last two chapters of this thing as though I am afraid to commit to the ending.

To be sure they are outlined and for the most part fleshed… but there has been something holding me back from completing the sequence.

Now I have been doing this long enough to know when my subconscious is stalling me. I also know when a segue needs another brick or two for support, so in the interest of waiting on another brick…I asked for a few resolutions to some annoying loose ends and he asked for a little faith.A little meditation, a wonderful bucolic ride and half a cup of coffee later… I had my answer. The time the clock rolled over to 8:30, I had resolution and he had my undying faith.

All in all it has been a very good morning for fishing! Don’t you just love that about the weather? One day sun, one day rain… some days not good for fishing and some days you just can’t beat those suckers off the hook!
So, here’s to a great day of fishing!
Jump in Grim… the water’s warm. In fact…it’s so warm, it’s beginning to boil!
I’d say, it’s time for a bit of a FISH FRY!!!

But what to do? Where to hide?

February 22, 2012

 

2/22/2012

 

Again, the Numerology in this day astounds and the plethora of 2’s is a good omen. Yesterday I spoke with someone, who had spoken with someone else and so on…and they had much to stay in between the words they spoke. Just like the mathematic values hidden within the date, the hidden values in the escalating numbers on my readership is of a curious nature of late as well. Why? Because there has been an interesting spike in the last two months. Not that the numbers weren’t impressive before, but now? Now it amazes that this case has caught so much fire. People from everywhere now follow the twists and turns of this case, but my interest lies a bit closer to home.

 

So how many Valdostans now read about the sultry past of their fair burg and am wont to make the connections between the descriptions of the players to the players themselves? How many notes have been taken and names and associations been bantered about in the many café’s and grocery stores that dot the tree lined streets and shady hot spots of your little town?  How many eyes follow you and ask, “Are you the one? Are you one of the 4 in flannel? How much do you know? How much do you hide?”

 

They ask questions behind your back. “Are the impressions for real, Grim? How do you hide the scar beneath your left eye? Make-up…glass rims? What tale did you tell to cover for its arrival?”

 

Or Mr. Einstein… how about you? “Where are your rubber boots?” We know your moniker is just a sham. The real Mr. Einstein was a brilliant man, so how do you hide your lack of intelligence, but not betray your passion for the perverse? It’s tricky isn’t it? To be normal, when your sense of the norm is so far outside of the envelope that it cannot be found.

 

Or how about you; the farmer in the dell? How do you look into the eyes of your loved ones and not see the eyes of Charley’s widow and his children starring back at yours- burning a hole in your truth?  How do you look at your prodigy and not know that you have squandered his integrity by betraying your own?

 

Do these things not haunt you all?

 

And what of street signs and amusement parks that border your world? Nothing more to laugh about there is there now? So sad… how all the places that once held sweet memories now have become all those places that cannot help but ooze the last impressions of the lives you snuffed out? Such innocuous landmarks; an intersection here or there, a country club…a hotel room and a shady shoreline or two. Nothing more than walls and windows, trees and air that hold the bounty of your secrets. Once the site of perverse titillation, now all places that you cannot abide.

 

But what to do? Where to hide?

Hmmmm… If you stay they will eventually put the pieces together and find you out, and if you run- they shall all suspect the same and know why.

 

Questions, questions…suppositions, suppositions.

 

Who knew you could learn so much from the dead? Now that is a question I would have proffered over the last two years and not had a problem with answering with positive concurrence. But lately? It is the living that has the more interesting tale to tell. That’s right Grim. I no longer have to chase for the occasional interview… now they come to me to ask the questions- offer their answers. You see this has become the great hunt- like “Where’s Waldo” they now read the clues over and over… map the city, trace the details and move the pawns back and forth across the board of your debauchery- convinced they know the who’s and the why’s of this case.

 

I must confess, I have been a bit loose with some information here and there, but such is the art of fishing. You chum the waters with the scent of a victim’s blood-toss out the evidentiary bait and then reel in the line nice and real slow… tempting and torturing those who know more to want more and inch by inch they follow the bait back to the boat.

 

So let’s see… what do I have in my tackle box for today? Some kind of lure that will attract, but not betray.

Hmmmm…

 

R likes to run and sometimes when she runs she is shown things. Things like someone being boxed into a corner. Someone who knows what I know and now has no idea what I don’t and that freaks him out.  He tries to hold his tongue, but his ego overrides his brain. Where is she? What does she know? Why won’t she let this go?

 

He fidgets in his chair. He paces in his window. When will they come again? It eats at his constitution. He is someone who has played the game too long and no longer writes the rules. Some one whose security blanket passed away a year or two ago. Someone who now has no immunity to fall back on. Someone who thinks that toilet paper and his shirt sleeve are one in the same… as if Charley could not tell the difference. He is foolish enough and mortal enough to think that you can wipe away a victim’s blood and escape its taint as long as you change your clothes and your demeanor.

 

Think it can be done? Ask the shooter- Mr. Russian roulette.

 

Do you know how he is spending his eternity? He stands at the water and dips his hands in and out- vomiting and cursing that no matter how many times he washes his hands- the blood reappears and he can never get clean. Again and again he dips his fingers in the water and when he pulls them out, the water that drips from his boney digits runs red and this drives him to madness. Every pool… every river… every lake he submerges his hands in produces the same effect and he can do nothing but wail in his agony. There is no forgiveness for what he has done.

 

Don’t believe in Hell, Grim? It is a real place. Ask the shooter to show you where it is…for it follows him everywhere and now he is following you. Can you feel the flames? You may want to check on the others… somebody’s feeling a bit squeamish. Somebody’s ready to spill the beans and I’m not talking about the MOT. The MOT has his own agenda and his day is coming soon too.

 

2012 is not the end of the whole world, Grim…just yours.

Have a nice day!

 

Your photo is here… are you?

February 21, 2012

2/21/12

Interesting numbers in today’s date.

Even more interesting?

My office smelled of pipe tobacco this morning.

I don’t smoke a pipe…nobody smokes a pipe here.

Roxanne’s favorite clock is in this office. Perhaps the pipe smoker from the “4 in flannel” has found his way here too.

Who else has found their way to this place?

 

Charley?

Your photo is here… are you?