Archive for May, 2012

Justice is coming…

May 27, 2012

5/27/12

Why so silent she asks? Why have we not heard from you of late?

Timing my dear friends… timing.

Time to turn within and to write what I have learned. Not just about Charley, but about myself and those I share this life with. Time to walk the edges of this experience and polish it without white-washing it, so that you might feel the reality of what was felt. Time to tell the truth… the truth about what I know and what I can prove.

Time to be patient and time to let others step forward and fill the final holes. I am but one person, one heart, one mind and while R and I have done an exceptional job of piecing together a puzzle that took 46 years to hide from the world- I must now stand back and let others put in the final pieces. Each one of you who reads this knows. Each one of you, who has helped along the way and placed their piece within the puzzle knows there are only a few spaces left unfilled.

You know who you are who must fill them.

The farmer in the dell who waits for death and the son who watches the scales of justice tip and hedges his bets

The latent ___________that knows naught the things they know and breathes with limited air

The Born Again Christian, with no Christ in his veins to comfort or save him

The man with the private eyes, who is blind to himself

The attorney who knows the laws, but does not abide by them

To those who sat back and allowed them their comfort and aided in their lies. The work is no longer mine to do- the work is yours. I have but a few chapters left to write in this book and while the story begins in the dark… each of those of you who have walked a similar path know that in order to appreciate the dawn we must suffer the darkness of the night.Here’s to the last few chapters… the waking of your souls and you’re stepping into the light beside me.

There may be quiet for a time. Things may seem to progress more slowly- but they are not. The hands on the clock move just the same whether you watch them or not, but keep your ears to the ground. Keep your eyes on the papers. Watch and listen for the pale rider rides… Can you not hear his hoofs in the sand as he rides to you, dear Grim? Mr. Einstein…can you not see the black hole in the universe coming behind him- searching for you to swallow you whole?

Each day that passes is not another day you two got way with murder… it is another day closer for justice to be served. Your collective days are numbered, not by me but by those in the universe who have marked your hour and it fast approaches. Shuffle your money from here to there, Grim… hide your scars under make-up and glasses. Bind your tongue and zip your pants Mr. Einstein…your sins have already been tallied. It will not matter how hard you try to hide. Justice will see you both naked before the year is through.

Justice is coming…

The book is coming… and even though the names will be changed… your fates will not!

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Messages coming in…

May 24, 2012

Messages coming in loud and clear all day long.

It began with a church sign this morning on my way to work that asked…

“What are you waiting for?  A sign?”

I laughed and replied outloud…

“YES!”

So they sent one.

Tonight another sign said:

‘For I have plans for you.’ says the Lord. ‘Not to harm you, but to prosper you.’

So I laughed again and replied…

“Thank you.”

Isn’t life amazing when you let it be?

(BTW’s… this was my 444th posting. Those in the know will apreciate the numerology!)

Something afoot in the cosmos…

May 19, 2012

5/19/12

Something afoot in the cosmos… can you feel it?

Solar eclipse on the morrow and I can feel the build. Do not fret- I have not abandonned you, dear readers. I have spent the last few days working at the job and working on the book and piecing together bits of the home that have waited patiently for my attentions. The book is captivating. And even though I am the writer and the reader both-I cannot seem to put it down!

There is a stall still…I can feel it. Something big is about to happen- there is a shift. It is this shift that I wait for. The shift that will allow the ending to flow.

“Jessica is tied to the attorney… she might have been pregnant…the plane that flies from Valdosta to Tampa each Wednesday with  bags of $$$…the attorney…”

I have found you!

Keep your eyes open for a…

May 12, 2012

5/12/2012

Rejoice with me… FINALS ARE FINISHED! Yeah! I am free till fall. Just work and finishing the book. So close to the end too!

Yes, with a chance now to set scholarly pursuits aside I can return to Charley and my continuing investigation of this case. Since I had take home exams, I had a moment here and there to reconsider some information received and to volley some conversations back and forth.

Should you be worried, Grim?

Silly man…of course you should. So should your friends, the 4 in flannel. Why? Because folks have begun to put 2 and 2 together. Can you feel them staring at you? Wondering where your scars came from? Why you follow people and watch their every move… why you run and hide when they turn around and questions are being asked. Do you think that out of sight – out of mind still prevails?

Foolish boys! All of you.

What happened at the lake? What happened at the pool? What happened at the hotel and what dear friends really happened that night out on the Clyattville-Nankin Road to my dear friend, Charley? You said it was an affair gone bad…but for who?

This is about your affairs, Grim.

Your business affairs, your love affairs, your sexual affairs and your illegal affairs.

Did you really think you would get away with it? Just because a few of you are dead-does not mean that you, who are alive will not burn in hell as well. The others just have a head start! So I tell you what, Grim.

I’ll start the fire this time- if you bring the marshmallows! What? You want to start the fire, Grim?

No. I don’t think so. Jessica says you have a bad habit of playing with matches. She says that’s how she got burned…literally!

Enjoy your holiday, Grim. What holiday? Why Mother’s Day, silly. Because to me, Grim- you are the mother of all mothers! Takes a hell-of-a-guy to manipulate that many murders and still claim he’s a Born Again Christian. You’re a Born Again something; but Christian might not be my first choice. Now, let’s see…. what kind of present do you get for somebody like that?

Hmmmm…..

I’ve got it!  It’s so totally brilliant! So, keep your eyes open for a big brown package…

Can’t wait for your surprise?

Ok, I’ll tell you. I’m sending you a bag of DEPENDS!

Why?

Because you’re going to need them! Maybe you can share them. A few of your good buddies are gonna need them too.

I need your help…

May 7, 2012

5/6/12

Go back Valdosta… go back. Go back to 1966. Somebody went fishing in Saddle Bags Lake one cool October night. They saw things, they heard things… a young girl’s scream, men laughing at her hysteria… and then silnece.

Police lights swirling in the night.

Men who stood above the water and publicly wondered how she got there- even though privately they alredy knew how!

Rat them out Valdosta. Make them pay for what they have done. There were 4…now there are three.

FIND THEM!

 

She looked me in the eye and bravely asked…

May 5, 2012

5/5/2012

I know it is difficult to stay in touch these days and I apologize, but I am down to the week before Finals and it takes all of my hours to work my job, commute and do homework till the wee hours of the night. Happily it will all be over by next weekend and then I shall be back to the normal life of simply working full time and writing part time. In between the moments of scholastic hysteria for myself, I took off one night to go and watch one of my siblings graduate late in life as well.

Inspired and proud it gave me hope that I too will eventually walk that long walk to the podium and accept academic accolades as well. Even though I live in Georgia, I promised myself I would go to my graduation at the University of Maryland to accept my degree in Investigative Forensics because I have worked hard to maintain my 4.0 throughout. Here’s the payoff…

Seeing as two of us work in Athens, we decided to car pool to the graduation. My older sister who kept constant communion with my parents during their time on earth has been rather lost in an emotional sea since their passing. I did as well, but I have one thing she no longer posesses…my hard earned faith that we are not alone and that my parents walk with me daily. Now you and I both know as you have read these blogs for almost the last 3 years that I have struggled with grief, marital distress, middle age, empty nest syndrome and personal consequence. Through it all I have been blessed to have R at my side and my parents and Charley just a reading away and they have strengthened my bond with the universe and provided me with the internal compass I had lost within the fog of my own grief. Spoiled? Yes- absolutely! But not without hard and grueling effort have these epiphanies been won. Once lost myself, I now wake to their photographic images and smile because I know they are a thought away.

My sister?

A daily struggle not to fight with God about the demise of those she loved. Thus, a long ride led to long and cathartic conversations as we, the few who remain, went to celebrate another’s achievements. In our travels she confessed her defeat…her despair and her loss of internal direction. When our mother died she became the companion for my father and based her entire retirement plan on being and taking care of him and enjoying the chance to travel with him right up until his final days. Unfortunately they came sooner than any of us planned. He died at the age of 82, approximately 10 years before her master plan could kick in. She, along with the other 9 children including myself, was devastated. Forget that the liklihood of my father traveling at 92 was feasible… she had a plan and was sticking to it! She said I had a plan A… I just never made a plan B. I told her it wouldn’t have mattered- she was not in control. She could have had an entire freaking alphabet of plans. None of them were my father’s or that of the architect of the universe’s. I empathized. I cajoled. I told her of the dark hours that I wandered through. I told her about Charley and that in an odd way his death saved my life.

I told her all the right things and then I told her the truth. My parents had not abandoned her- they had simply pulled the training wheels off her bike so that she could learn how to ride it alone. Tough love baby! For all her life she has lived their life and in their wisdom and eternal love, they now invite her to live her own.

The problem? She doesn’t know how.

Sometimes we can live so much for the people we love that we forget who we are apart from who we think we are collectively. Unlike those who think that martyrdom in love is divine, I say martyrdom in anything is debilitating. We were not created to live by osmosis. What a waste of the gift. Living your entire life for someone else leaves you with nothing but memories when they are gone. It is not healthy to do so. Each of us can give, but we must hold something of who we are back in the balance; lest we be left without identity and direction in the wake of their departure. This happens in death…divorce…and any other long term relationships we hold with people, places or things. We allow everyone and everything else to define ourselves and forget that in the void of emptiness and loss we will always stand alone. Without a firm grip on who we are- not what we do or what others think we are-but who we are at our deepest soul-we become adrift upon a sea of insecurities and indecision that paralyze us and keep us from moving forward. This is the abridged conversation we had, albeit filled with wonderful sentiment about both parents who had physically- but not spiritually, missed sharing our recent joy. In her depression over the lack of what she could not see or feel… I asked that she simply remain open and make the leap of faith that she believe that guidance was there- she just needed to figure out how to recognize it. I asked that she talk to our mother and father as if they were in the car with us at that very moment. I told her to tell them what she felt- that she needed to have a sign; some sort of tangible comfort that she might know the silver cord of love had not been broken.

With tearful resignation she told the air about us she loved them. She told my father she was lost without him and that she loved him and then she looked me in the eye and bravely asked him for a sign.

You have followed me long enough. You have read the blogs. You know that the connection is clear and strong and that even on my own they communicate in the most direct of fashions. I promised “they” would deliver.

Twenty seconds later a truck crossed over into the left lane in front of us and she slowed to accommodate the transition. Just as she did, a small white compact with a young pretty driver began to pass on the right and the car behind her- to pull closer. Just as she finished her plea I told her to believe. The car behind the little white compact closed the distance, eager to pass us as well and their headlights shown clear on the bumper of the debutante’s car before us.

The license tag read: LVU Dad

Ask.

Trust.

But most of all…believe! Go out and rent the movie, We Bought a Zoo.  

Be amazed at what 20 seconds of insane courage and a leap of faith can bring you!

Today I celebrate…

May 2, 2012

Today I am 54… exactly 10 years older than Charley when he was murdered.

Today I celebrate my life…my parents…my family and my friends. Some who have passed and some I can still hold.

Today I celebrate my best friend…Charley. A man I cherish who has graced my life and made me a better soul. A man who gives, even in his death.

If he had not died on that rainy Sunday night back on October 9, 1966- he could not have come back to save mine on that rainy Friday morning of February 5th, 2010. For his sacrifice, I thank him.

Thank you for your gift of friendship Charley.


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