Brownstonelit's Blog

7/19/2012

I know it has been days…

Evening storms and long full days at work have kept me away from the laptop and checking in. So many things have happened since the last blog, I scarcely know where to start and yet the point is moot; as I cannot tell you most of what has transpired. Suffice it to say that angels have walked among my days and the path seems to be clearing for the fruition of many dreams. For this I am eternally grateful.

A puff of wind that blew a small feather in circles about my feet yesterday like a small kitten who darts and weaves its way in and about one’s ankles was a sign from Charley that he is with me…a small dish of bird or sesame seeds that I have yet to deduce, a man and a cigar, a woman from another case are but a few of the impressions that have come through this week. One of my favorites was a quote from Benjamin Franklin:

“Either write something worth reading… or do something worth writing about.”

Thus, I confess the last few days have been spent wholly on the book and my theatre work- so many of each, which has left me so little time to write simply for the sake of writing. Things are happening dear readers and you should be able to sense the same within your own lives. This has been a dividing day…A day for letting go of and getting rid of the old- people, places and situations that no longer serve us…thoughts and attitudes which poison our perceptions. A day to look forward and leave the dwindling horizon behind.

Today I received a call which brought me the promise of a great blessing and I look forward to another soon that will tell me that I have done Charley proud and not abandoned the task before the miracle could be delivered. This book is good.. no, this book great! But I fear that no matter how many letters apart from real names and real intentions I try to place folks- those of you in the know, will see through its charade and find the 4 in flannel to be exactly whom you thought and feared them to be.

The men of your churches… your neighbors… the pillars of your community…those who took an oath to protect and defend you and cheat Karma.

But can you ever beat the great equalizer?

Can it be that the calendar pages will continue to flip beyond this year? Will fate drag this out one more season or will we be done with it before the return of autumn?

They see Grim being boxed in a corner- trapped- with no other way out but to tell what he knows.

They show Einstein holding his tongue- he will drown in his own lies.

They show the farmer in the dell under the strain of lights- talk -talk -talk they say!

The keeper of the court? He wil forever remain culpable!

Where are the blades that cut Charley’s arms? What was in the farmer’s lunch box? Where is the weapon that delivered the second shot? Where are the cheek bones that met with the shovel? And where  is the necklace that shines from under water as the broken neck bobs in the waves?

On the night of this new moon… may the victims in this case, haunt the living and bring them to heel.

For me, I have several Saints to plea for other favors:

St. Victus- the patron saint of theatre, vocals and seizures.

St. Johnathon- the patron saint of editors, book sellers, publishers

St. Teresa- the patron saint of writers

May they all intercede upon my behalf and prove to those who embrace evil, that light will always triumph over dark.

Want to borrow a flashlight to bring you out of the dark, Grim? I can ask Charley if he will let you use the one you placed beside his body that night… not too far from his hat!

Remember?

7/8/2012

There are many divine properties to this adventure and yesterday another one unveiled itself to me.

All along I have been writing of the trials of Charley and those that murdered him… I have even included the trials of the other victims that have now found a way to move forward in their evolution. In all of this, I too have had many trials and have evolved from one individual to quite another.

Did I always believe in divine law? Yes…

Did I always believe in divine love and forgiveness? Yes…

Did I ever experience either of these before? Yes…

Did I forget what they taught me in the midst of my own personal trials? Yes…

And so another breakthrough.

Yesterday was the 7^th and while my mind was wrapped around other clues, my heart was decidedly somewhere else deliberating an ancient dilemma.

Why?

Because truth is a fickle thing. They say it sets you free… but does it always? Sometimes there is the use of truth as catharsis for healing… and sometimes there is use of the truth as armor or weapon. I know this is all sounds terribly cryptic and it is meant to be. This is for me to vomit and for you to tolerate at this time, but it does give one pause.

Do you have a truth which both sets you free, even as it ensnares another? A truth that can liberate and enslave us, all at the same time?

This book’s intro has been in a stall position for several months for just such a reason and I have spent many a moment in silent prayer as to how to decide which is the better course. Yesterday I saw the movie Moonrise Kingdom and while it had little to do with my real life- it spoke to me about something else. That combined with kind words and honest apparaisal, I saw the eventual light of a situation I had remained tunnelled on for far too long. For this brief moment of absolute clarity, I must thank my dear friend Delores. You see, once a thing is set free- it can no longer be caged- controlled. A truth may leave the cage one animal and without permission become something else entirely. A truth without segue is a wild animal that mutates among lies and grows teeth and fangs that later it may use on its liberator. A truth begs explanation. Then one must explain the explanation and that explanation begets another explanation and so on… and the explanations become interminable and the truth lost all together!

Yesterday it finally became quite clear that a truth can still be a truth without  such complications.

What on earth does this have to do with Charley’s story? Everything and nothing… and while that does not help you to discern what it is I am not saying…sometimes just to hear yourself think out loud is all that is necessary to make sense of something. Each of us carries hurts; both self inflicted and self absorbed. Hurts that wound us so deep we cut off all acknowledgement in order to survive and process. Moments that create baggage we carry throughout every other experience and even though we are ready to fly, unbeknownst to us we remain tethered… perhaps not academically, but emotionally. Emotional baggage is not just the hyper sensitivity to certain trials, but also the dead weight of denial and/or obliteration. Not dealing with something is just as bad as constantly living within it and using it as both validation and explanation for where we are or where we were.

Yesterday I saw my suitcase for what it was- luggage. A place where I stored all my precious truths to take with me on this voyage. Suddenly I have arrived at my destination and I realize that I have over-packed. I did not need a suitcase full of explanations. I needed only one truth to get here and stay here- I was chosen to write this story. And that truth alone, should be more than enough to keep me warm when people’s words become too cold at what they have read, or enough to keep me cool when later they decide to bring on the heat for the words I’ve written!

Today, I am here. A place I have never been before and I cannot and do not have the right to keep myself from fully exploring where just TODAY can take me.

Today… I had a God-wink. (Thank you Mary) Oh to be sure- just one of a million a long the way, but in the instant I had it… my heart was lightened a thousand fold and I could breathe again.

R once told me I would know when to stop writing… when the book/story would be finished and I could share it with the world and move on. With today’s decision, I believe I have reached that time. Will I continue to blog about this?

Maybe yes…maybe no.

There are still so many clues and so many who have things they both wish and need to share with me, to help them make sense of their own pasts and I respect that and would not leave them without remedy as they are now part of this incredible tapestry that together Charley and I have woven. But for today at least, the path for me is finally clear which way the winds should blow. You see in the end sometimes, it is not only the other person we must forgive… it is most often ourselves. Charley has done such and he has taught me to be so gracious in kind, not only with others- but with myself.

Once forgiven…we set others and ourselves free.

Today I am free.

For R

7/6/2012

I apologize for not writing more… I have been on vacation.

Oh, nothing so grandiose as traveling to far away lands or visiting the shining coast. Not for me. I am most happy with hot coffee and my laptop, unlimited time to read and write… a chance to play on my own beach with family and enjoy a glass of chilled wine while watching a setting sun hover just above the familiar tree lines of  my Georgia landscape.  And it has been a vacation of both work and play.

The book as you know, is always in my mind and always at the edge of my fingerprints. I have spent many hours of my life in this pursuit and while it has been exhausting- it has been well worth it.

For days now, feathers have placed themselves within my path. Fortune cookies have heralded the coming of information and good news. There is something in the air and I can’t quite put my fingers on it, but it is just this side of palpable. The Cardinals have been active of late as well, which means my mother and father have been about me and as always, I am most happy for their company and guidance.

I have written of many clues in this blog and in writing the book, revisit some I have never out into print. Even now I sit and wonder about, “ the letter opener with the flame on it.”

Who did it belong to? What did they use it for besides opening letters? Did it have anything to do with the lacerations on Charley’s arms? Was this what was hidden inside the silver lunch box the farmer in the dell carried with him that night when he and G met with Charley?

I have  a lovely letter opener here on my desk, of recent acquire and it is quite ornate and bejeweled. It has a sleeve of leather and looks very much the dagger. It has sat upon my desk now for over a week and it continues to remind me that there are clues still untethered… errant clues still out there without segue, and it keeps this case ever current on my mind.  So here is a public plea. Pay attention Valdosta! Who is Alexa or Alexander? Who worked at the Carson McLane Funeral home and did hair/make-up for the dead in October of 1966? C’monValdosta… who worked for the morgue back then? Somebody knows…I need to talk with them. Why?

Because the 4 in flannel kept Charley’s widow away from the funeral home that night and the next day and even into the next.  Can you imagine- they kept this woman from her husband’s body for over 72 hours. Why? Because there were marks on his arms and other parts of his body that supposed suicide cannot explain! That’s why! So how much did they pay you all to keep quiet? Whatever it was… it was not enough. Especially as it all begins to unravel. I’ve got it! You can call Grim and ask for more if you need to. I have his number… in more ways than one! LOLZ Ha! I don’t even have to look it up- although it’s right in the phone book. Feel free to contact me and I can out you in touch with him.

Getting nervous, Grim? Don’t worry… even if your number has changed-your address hasn’t. I’ll make sure they can get in touch with you.

Say…wouldn’t that be funny if folks finally got the courage to help? Wow…even the orderlies at PineviewHospital back then would be of great help. I understand there were two- both African American. Maybe they have relatives who are reading this. Maybe they are not sure the mailbox accident was really an accident either. If you catch my drift.

If so… can you contact me? It was October 9, 1966-October 10th when they finally got to the morgue at Pineview. Biggest news in town for several weeks. You’ll know who I am talking about. McGowan brought the body in between 3-4 in the morning. A 44 year old male, white, two gunshot wounds. One above and behind the right ear and one up through the chin. He also would have had lacerations on both his arms. Oh and a wedding ring-mostly because Grim could not get it pulled off his fingers.

Oh… and I have photos too if you need help  to identify Charley’s body. That’s right… those pesky old crime scene photos that everyone thought were destroyed. Boy, they sure have come in handy.

So, there you go Valdosta. You want to really take back your town’s history? Here is your chance!

Oh yea… and if you worked at the Daniel Ashley Hotel in October of 1966- even if you were just a maid or a janitor. A man died there in one of the rooms-probably somewhere around the 12-14th of October. They claimed it was aheart attack, but golly- who beats themselves up and then has one? Folks came in and out of his room for days, but they left his bruised and beaten body inside one of the rooms until October 15^th when McGowan’s carted it away.  Wonder why? Anybody still alive who had to clean up that room on October 15, 1966?

We should chat!

Oh… and I also heard a law enforcement building was right across the street from that very same hotel back then. I can just imagine the view. Folks coming and going all the time…. checking in– checking out. Sometimes only for an hour or so at a time! What cool rates, huh? Or maybe it was even free- if you knew the right people. Bet there was lots of “interviews” at that place. Old men… younger women…folks that got the crap beat out of them because they wouldn’t spill the beans- or maybe because they had already spilled the beans! Gosh, I get so confused-must have been a hopping place, though. Mr. Einstein. Mr. Pocket Protector, even the pipe-smoker really loved that old hotel, so I hear. Grim too if the rumors are true… in fact, rumors say the 4 in flannel practically made it the icon it is. At least for me…thanks guys!

A properties value is not only in its history, but its  patrons. Well, you know what they say about real estate!

It’s all about…

Location…location…location!

Convenient, huh?

You know how to find me, Valdosta…just whistle!

6/29/2012

I woke in the wee hours thinking about fairytales and how people always assume everyone else has the perfect life. The fairytale life! And then I thought of Grim and laughed at the irony of coining the phrase, ‘a Grimm’s fairytale!’ Why? Whether you spell it Grim or Grimm…Somebody always dies! Some fairytale, huh?

One year ago many impressions came through that now have passed. Clues and details which felt odd and disconnected then, now shine as true and relevant. The woman with the injured foot finally talked and then passed away. The farmer in the dell suffered from something that began with the letter A; exactly as foretold. And pages of a calendar began to flip in the summer breeze…month after month…until it stopped on the month of July. Marked in red, the letters:

A

R

R

E

S

T

There are only five people who know the date. NONE of them are the four in flannel.

Something big is coming.

You can feel it in the air.

Yesterday I saw a feather on the beach and we all know what that means!

6/24/2012

On the other side of this fence there is the business end of writing and publishing this kind of a book. So today I step up my game and start pandering for literary representation and a solid contract. Any agents out their brave enough to take on this TRUE CRIME rascal? Just so you have something to go by…here are some of the buzz words used within the book.

murder (generic)

MURDER (Charley’s)

MURDERS (Jessica, Roxanne, the MOT and the man who was double-crossed, and…)

secret (generic)

SECRET (Grim’s)

SECRETS (The 4 in flannel, the high ranking officials, the other conspirators)

prostitute (generic)

PROSTITUTE (Jessica)

PROSTITUTES (Jessica and Roxanne)

PORNOGRAPHY (The really icky kind. We will save the names for later!)

O-S-T-R-I-C-H (Kudos to Grim! This one was actually pretty clever….just not clever enough!)

law enforcement (generic)

LAW ENFORCEMENT (Shall we name names?)

MULTIPLE LAW ENFORCEMENT (How many?)

Not to mention other wonderful and descriptive words such as: gun-running-counterfeit money-drugs-moonshine-Bolitas-railroad tracks-terror-love shacks- red sports cars-red truck-dogs-suicide-homicide-betrayal-hush money-lose women-lose diamonds-politics-New Hampshire-bakery-cheese cutter-swimming pool, fishing, kicking, biting, muddy boots, news papers, RAIN-NO RAIN, wedding ring, torn hats, lost teeth, tattoos, Buicks, etc… Oh yeah! And the most important word of all that brings us to the climax of the book????

conspiracy

CONSPIRACY

CONSPIRACY

Then of course there are other words I like, but I don’t wish to show off. Ok, here goes; bones, bodies, dead, psychic, justice, corroboration, suspicion, evidence, photos and my most favorite three little words?

Confession–Conviction-Incarceration

Maybe even in that order!!! Ok agents…you know how to find me.

Just whistle!

6/20/2012

Forty-six years ago citizens of the tiny burg of Valdosta slept through the night, while the law manipulated everything but the weather. The 4 in flannel took matters into their own hands. Now forty-six years hence…Charley has taken this matter into his!

That’s what I call poetic justice!

It kinda reminds me of a favorite old nursery story about the Three Little Pigs and the Big Bad Wolf! Now, since one of the 4 in flannel has already passed, that leaves us with just Three Little Pigs! Or rather, Three BIG Pigs!

Grim, the Pipe-smoker and Mr. Einstein! (Not to mention their trusted friend, the Farmer in the dell!)

Let’s have a sing-a-long!

“Who’s afraid of the big, bad wolf… the big bad wolf…the big bad wolf? Who’s afraid of the big bad wolf…tra-la-la-la-la!”

If I were you, Grim?

I would be! Why? Because he’ll huff and  he’ll puff and he’ll put you in jail!

So how does the rest of that song go?

Hmmmmm…

And then there were two little pigs!

Ok…sing with me Valdosta!

“Who’s afraid of the big, bad wolf… the big bad wolf…the big bad wolf! Who’s afraid of the big bad wolf…tra-la-la-la-la!”

Patience…patience, dear readers.

All will be explained in the book!

6/16/12

This is a turning point…

Information continues to pour in and amazingly impressions and clues that came through last summer are beginning to take shape this summer. I am awed that the universe continues to reveal itself, one layer at a time and I am excited that now the road begins to level out before me.

Charley has been constant of late; my father and mother as well. The air is filled with the scent of Gardenias (my mother’s favorite) and my father’s face seems to smile at me from every portrait in my purview.  I am smiling more these days too, with each written page of the book; I climb my way down from the emotional high of discovery to disclosure.

Oh dear readers, you should know that this book is not just about murder and delayed justice- but eventual redemption and forgiveness.  But that- they will have to get from God-not me. The 4 in flannel will be asked to pay a price. Even those not bright enough to know they are already damned, like you Mr. Farmer… who now sits with withered hand and feeble legs. Or you, the  Man Who Stood at the Shoreline with monogrammed cuffs and silver lighter. And what of you, Mr. Einstein? You walk among the crowds and think that all see you as …well adjusted and honorable.  OK, well let’s face it. Nobody really looks at you and thinks honorable anyway-disgusting, maybe-but not honorable. And I know that it seems ironic to use Einstein as your moniker because it implies intelligence…but then that’s not why I use that name. Miss M gave you that name as a way of confirming who you are. Apparently, Mr. Muddy Boots was too long of a name for her to mime from afar. Bet you readers wonder why his boots were muddy, right? Not to worry- the book will explain!

And Grim? You have lived such a privileged life of misplaced honor. What will they say when they learn of your miss-deeds? Yes… I know I wrote miss-deeds. Which actually is implies singular and not plural-and that is incorrect because there was more than one little miss-deed in your life. In fact there were a few little misses. Pity your wife will find she was not the apple of your eye. But hey…on the flip side? She’s not dead either- so maybe you did like her better than the rest in the end! After all, you once told me. “She’s the only person you would ever trust.” Pity shame she won’t feel the same about you when she learns what you have done.

I have always told you… you can run, but you cannot hide. Does she know how much you like bonfires? July is right around the corner! Maybe you could take her to one? You could cook hot dogs, hamburgers… make ‘Smores and explain why you have lied to her for all these years???  July is a perfect time of year to burn things! Bridges…people … Or just parts of people? I get so confused! I’d call your attorney to get it straight, but so sad. He’s dead, isn’t he? He’s dead… and he cannot protect you anymore-can he? No more attorney-client privileges.

Wow… Karma really is a bitch!

Soooo… let’s just live large until the end. Maybe have a glass of wine and light a bonfire baby!

Cook a hot dog for me, will ya Grim?  Bet you like yours with the works, huh? Mustard, ketchup, relish, onions…prison? Oh sorry….my bad!

As for me? I’ll just take mine plain, Grim- hold the bodies!

6/10/12

It is raining today and I am most grateful for the detour. Rain affords me the luxury to stay inside, stay in my pj’s or comfy lounging pants and just write the day away. With fog on the lake, soft music on the headphones and hot coffee in my cup… I am indeed at peace. On May 25th I began my 77 day Transit and while it has and will prove to be challenging- it has already provided hope for a brighter future. So while things have been rather tight both emotionally and financialy these last few years, these trials have brought great personal growth and understanding. Sometimes the trade doesn’t seem fair, but then my Charley has made the difficult journey worth it. I am indebted to him forever.

Better days are ahead for us all. So convinced am I, that today I spurlged and used my last single bag of Maxwell House Coffee.  (I cannot seem to find a store down here that carries them! ARGH!)

To those of you in the know, you already understand that Charley and I both like Maxwell House coffee for various reasons.  I even have a  blue Maxwell House coffee cup on my writing desk!

But do you know what I love most about Maxwwell House coffee… besides it’s awesome taste? Oh, let’s just say I could write them a new commercial, with a new tag line.

Maxwell House coffee… Good to the last confession!

You have a good day, Grim!

6/9/2012

You know how when something wonderful happens you either rush to tell everyone or you sit quietly on a couch, speechless…pondering the wonders of the universe and smiling from deep inside?

The other day I was finaly able to keep a promise I had once made to a six year old child.

I am speechless!

6/5/2012

Dear Valdosta,

Ahhh…you liked that post! You must have because readership skyrocketed today. Could that be because you have started to figure out who the players are? Or maybe because they players have figured out whom they are?

Hmmmm….

Exciting, huh?

Today was full of 7’s. Everywhere I turned I saw 7’s in all kinds of combinations. Double 7’s, triple 7’s and quads…the parade of 7’s was endless. Even my email bank registered 7777 emails saved. Do you know what that means? It means you are on the right path in every area of your life.

It means I am on the right path in this case too!

So many people talking…so many guessing and asking questions. Isn’t it great, Grim? You wanted to be a star and now you are! So many just want to look at you- check out the scar. You now- the one that Roxanne gave you that night by the tree.

Don’t be shy! The camera loves you!

Just smile and say…

“I’m ready for my close-up Mr. Deville!”

(Insert maniacal laugh here)

Muh-ah-ha-ha!

Say cheese! Oh wait… that’s for the farmer to say. Only he is supposed to say, “Cheese-cutter!”

God I love my job!

Love,

Delores